Mom,
I’m here again
Where you told me I shouldn’t be
I may have been convinced
By someone potentially very untrustworthy
That the forest wouldn’t be so dark
Or the thorns as sharp
If I took a side road
In my Buick
And skipped over the tolls
Thus saving money for
Summer vacation
And
The house I’ll never buy
I maybe or maybe not
Should have listened to you
You may or may not
Have been right
I possibly or very possibly not possibly
Need your help right now
An arrow dipped in lead
And flaming
Sinks into my heart’s center
Aortic blood spreading
Like a bad day for a saint
A glimpse of eternal suffering
Of something holy and great
Fingers/toes/limbs/hands cut off and
feelingless
Martyrdom for one
Delivered and left on read by all
To gawk at with unrefined,
Untouched and unholy mouths
In tour groups led by unwed princes
Of God and children
The arrows multiply
And I find myself chained to a tree
Protesting alone
The desecration of Something unholy specifically to me
Unsure of how I got here
Or who has chained me
Myself in a drunken stupor,
Hallucinogenic rage?
Or cherubic mischief gods
Of lore I skipped
While playing that one video game
That one time
Cut scenes of my life
Playing out without
Me even blinking
My hands are getting
Tired gripped around nothing
Bones crushing under
Dense weight and
Over someone new
I feel the chains uncoil
Dropping steadily
Bark ripping
Toes and ass cheeks clenched
And
I might step forward
Tense stings crawling up
My esophagus and ribcage
Sharpening like butterfly wings with every movement
Arrowheads meant to expand
With every forward motion
And stop the walker from walking
I think someone I know conjured up a spirit
And with its help lifted my nail-hammered feet
From their granite coffins
The middles of my palms bloody
And splintered
Like a tree branch—
Wishing to be painted in
Foreshortening and perspective
Still alive though
Eyes closed
Smile pressed
Like a clean white shirt
Currently folded on my mother’s ironing board
Awaiting my return
(female Jesus)
Claire Marie Anderson is a writer, art and film historian from Houston, TX. Her poems have appeared in Alchemy, The Decadent Review, BarBar Literary Magazine, and Unfortunately, Literary Magazine (Best of the Net nomination), among other publications. She is the former Managing Editor of Landing Zone Magazine.
